Teachers & Students
Featuring stories by writers Elizabeth L. Davis, Erika D. Price, Kirsten Major, and Cedrick Mendoza-Tolentino; performed by actors Everett Goldner, Rachel McPhee, Margi Sharp Douglas, and Yulia Laricheva. Hosted by Andrew Lloyd-Jones at KGB Bar on 4th September 2013.
1. Never fall in love in love with him.
2. Do not give in to his initial advances, no matter how insistent he is. Ignore the tramps, whores and prostitutes who think that the path to riches lies somewhere beneath his sheets. He will be generous with them—initially—bathing and covering them with scented oils and floral soaps. They will think that they are being pampered—loved even—while he will wonder why he cannot make them smell like his wife did when they first met.
She’s morbidly obese, the poor girl is. Too young to be that fat. I wonder sometimes what thoughts orbit around her when she’s in Health. When Mr. Duggard tells everyone to open their books, to turn to the chapter on Healthy Eating, to pull out their 2013 American Dairy Farmer’s Association-sponsored New Food and Edible Foodlike Substance Pyramid, do the kids throw eyes at her?
Yard sales are best for robbing. My brother Kyle and I used to do yard sales together, stealing china dishes and jewelry from driveways, and then drinking Keystone and slapping backs afterwards. Now he’s a regular husband working, selling phones at T-Mobile. The reason I say yard sales are best is because those people, the people with the houses, and cars, and kids, and most importantly the people with the things won’t come after you for stealing. People are pleased to see their yellowed things, things they used to love, decided for them.
Caroline Jones, whose work ethic and prompt response to all professional email had won her a cherished if small reputation in her field, was at her desk on Saturday night, becoming more and more agitated. One student paper after another revealed that her craven freshman charges had once again eluded her.