Mummy is Very Beautiful by Rhuar Dean

I think mummy is very beautiful. Her hair is beautiful, long and straight like a pony. She has a beautiful face, it is gentle and happy. She smiles a lot, all the time to people even if she doesn’t know them, and they always smile back. Sometimes she tilts her head when she speaks to people so that her hair drops off the side of her face like a waterfall. I often tilt my head like that now, like I’m thinking or I’m trying to look beautiful like mummy. I don’t smile at strangers, daddy says I mustn’t, but mummy can. I only like mummy, daddy and Carla. Rosa isn’t very nice.

Mummy doesn’t have glasses like Rosa’s mummy. And her face doesn’t have freckles like Carla’s. Her skin is very clean and brown, like honey cake. She never carries a big handbag, not like other mummies. Some of them walk sideways because of their big bags but mummy always carries only a small purse, on her shoulder. She bought me one the same, when I asked for it. Mine is pink, mummy’s is made of leather and is brown. Mummy always holds my hand, wherever we go. Not like daddy, who pulls me places. Mummy holds my hand gently, and she doesn’t pull me, except when she’s excited.

Other people think mummy is very beautiful too. They don’t say so much but I know when somebody thinks mummy is beautiful. They smile at her differently to the way they smile at other mummies, and they talk to her differently too, even the man in the shop. Rosa’s daddy thinks mummy is very beautiful. I know because when he talks to her he sounds silly, not like he sounds when he talks to other people, and he laughs too much. A silly laugh. Not a real laugh like when someone tickles you or does something really funny. I often think I should tell daddy because he doesn’t sound funny when he talks to mummy. I think he should know but I don’t know how to tell him. It’s very hard to talk about these kind of things to grown ups because they never understand. And I tried a couple of times to tell him. I pulled his hand and made him come to where mummy was talking to Rosa’s daddy when we went to their house but he didn’t understand. He lifted me up and gave me a cuddle and asked if I was tired. I wasn’t tired at all and I didn’t care if mummy was busy talking, I wanted him to stay there with her, and with me, so that he could see.

Daddy is very big. He is very loud too, not quiet like mummy. And when he holds my hand he pulls me a little bit, like I am a dog who doesn’t walk fast enough. But he gives me big hugs, bigger hugs than mummy. He is very strong. He can even pick mummy up like a baby and carry her. I don’t think Rosa’s daddy could pick up mummy. Mummy likes it when daddy picks her up, she giggles – a proper giggle, like when he tickles her. Sometimes daddy kisses mummy on the lips, not like my kisses – big ones. And when they sleep they don’t have any clothes on – I always wear pyjamas.

Lots of daddies smile at mummy and get silly with her, not just Rosa’s daddy. She thinks I don’t understand, but I do. I’m not a baby like Carla’s little brother Jack, he doesn’t understand anything, he just shouts and if you don’t watch him he pulls your hair. I don’t want a little brother. Mummy is very thin so I don’t think I will get one. Carla’s mummy was very fat before baby Jack came. Carla said baby Jack came from her mummy’s tummy. She said he got there by magic. I know he didn’t, he got there because of Carla’s daddy. I don’t know how.

Yesterday mummy went out. She left me at Carla’s house with her mummy. I think she went to meet another daddy. I don’t know but I think so. I heard her on the phone and her voice was different. She whispered and she sometimes giggled, like when she giggles with daddy. She wore a nice dress, one of her favourites, and she smelled very nice – the same way she smells when she goes out with daddy in the night time and I stay at home with Jana to look after me.

When she took me home from Carla’s it was a late. Daddy was still working. Mummy didn’t speak to me much, and she didn’t hold my hand properly. She left me downstairs and went away for a shower. When she came back she smelled normal. I wanted to tell daddy about it but I didn’t know how to make him know. Mummy kissed my head, not my cheek like she properly does, and went to make my tea. When she was in the kitchen I had an idea. I went to her room and found her dress – it was very high, and I had to jump to make it come down. Mummy had put it back inside its plastic from the cleaners, so I took it out. I put it on her and daddy’s bed – it still smelled nice. Then I found her shoes, the nice blue ones that she was wearing that make her taller, and her smelly stuff in the purple bottle. I put them all on the bed for daddy to find. I also put the special purse she had taken. When he comes home he always gives me a kiss and goes upstairs to change. I hoped he would understand then, when he saw mummy’s clothes, but I don’t think he did. I don’t know why but it didn’t work.

Rhuar Dean is a poet, writer and occasional journalist based in London, England. His work has appeared both in print and online, including in Open Pen, Litro, Belleville Park Pages and Crannog manazine. More information, including links to other stories, is available at www.rhuardean.com

Mummy is Very Beautiful was read by Calaine Schafer on 5th February 2014